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29 January 2007 @ 07:55 am
Two dreams  
I dreamed last night that words describing people’s interior states or relationships were geometrical concepts. Words like ‘harmony,’ ‘peace,’ and ‘connection’ referred to geometric algorithms and shapes. I couldn’t see any of them but just had that impression.

Earlier last night, I went to a peace meditation gathering in St. Paul. Before the meditation began, we each spoke a one-word intention into the center of the circle in which we were sitting. People said things like ‘connection,’ ‘harmony,’ and ‘peace.’ I’m guessing that that was the impetus of last night’s dream, that the gathering of people in a circle registered in my mind as a mandala, and that words thus spoken into its center entered into its geometry.

The night before last, I had a sad and disturbing dream, the probable significance of which was not clear to me until I wrote it out just this morning. In the dream, I was married to some Spanish-speaking guy I barely knew. For some reasons that seemed noble at one time, we planned to have our family, our children and ourselves, commit suicide. At one point in the dream, the kids were already dead. (The children had no physical form to me – I was only aware of the fact of their death.) It was my turn to die, and I suddenly realized that I was afraid to die, didn’t want to die, and saw no point in ending my life before its natural end. In fact, the very idea suddenly seemed crazy to me. I began to ask my husband about his plans for committing suicide after my death and quickly saw that he was in no hurry. From what he was saying, I doubted that he intended to commit suicide at all. I tried to remember what the noble purpose was that had motivated us to carry out this plan in the first place, but I couldn’t. I fell into a state of despair when I realized that no action on my part could set things right. If I didn’t die, my children’s deaths would break my heart for the rest of my life. If I killed myself, my life would end for nothing. I saw that it had all been a huge mistake and felt my life was over whether or not I actually remained alive. I awoke next to Greg and felt showered with infinite blessings.

As I wrote the dream out this morning, it struck me as a very American dream, expressing perhaps the consciousness of our country and the terrible, ludicrous, incomprehensible struggle in which politicians left and right are engaged at present, over whether or not to escalate a war that any sane person knows was a huge mistake from the start.
digitalgoth on January 29th, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC)
Ah, and now that you're on my friends list, you can actually see how much I truly write instead of just the public ones. ;) You might be surprised.